A Night Not to Remember
by Settiai
Summary: Kaidan was dead. [Coraline Shepard: Colonist, Ruthless, Sentinel] :: background F!Shep/Kaidan


Kaidan was dead.

Part of her still didn't believe it. How could he be gone? Just a few days ago, everything had been normal. Their talk after Feros had cleared the air, had helped put things back on the right track, and for the first time in years she had felt like the universe was looking out for her.

And then Virmire had happened. And then Kaidan had adjusted the timer on the bomb, had pushed it forward so that there was _no time_, had fucking forced her hand. And then he was gone.

Just like that. In a second. Her world had collapsed around her, and nobody else had even noticed.

She needed another drink.

Shepard picked up her almost entirely full glass of whatever-the-hell-she-was-drinking and downed it in a single gulp. She looked up, trying to catch the server's eye, and didn't even pretend to be surprised when the asari that had been waiting on her table put another glass down and quickly grabbed the empty one.

She'd told the server when she'd sat down that she wanted the drinks to keep coming without her even having to ask for them. The extremely nice tip that she'd given in advance appeared to have helped make her point. As had the fact that she'd given them a credit chit with basically unlimited funds on it to cover her tab.

Being a Spectre had its good points, and she had no problem with taking advantage of it.

"Shepard?"

Part of her was embarrassed at how long it took for her to place the voice coming from behind her. The other part was impressed that she'd recognized it as quickly as she had, considering how long she'd been sitting there drinking.

Shepard glanced over her shoulder. "Chief."

Ashley stood there for a second, an inscrutable look on her face. Then, without saying another word, she sat down in the empty seat across from Shepard.

Less than a minute later, the server came by and placed a glass of—well, something that was presumable alcoholic—in front of her. It was a rather impressive shade of neon green.

Ashley raised an eyebrow.

"I tipped well," Shepard said, shrugging.

Ashley stared at her for another second or two. Then she shrugged, picked up the drink, and downed it.

Shepard tried to smile. She really did. It was fairly obvious from the look that Ashley was shooting her, though, that it didn't succeed.

The server walked by and cleanly switched Ashley's empty glass for a full one. This time, it was neon pink instead of green.

"You and the LT weren't being subtle," Ashley said bluntly, only a slight waver in his voice. "It was obvious there was something going on between you two. So why me and not him?"

Shepard stared at the liquor in her glass, watching one of the lights above their heads reflect in it for a second. Then she knocked it back, barely grimacing as it burned down her throat, and sat the empty glass back down on the table. "I don't know."

Ashley threw back her own drink, putting it back down on the table with a thud. "That's bullshit, Skipper."

"Believe me, I know," Shepard shot back. She resisted the urge to reach up and run her fingers through her hair, knowing from past experience all it would do was make a mess of it. It didn't matter how short she kept it; touching it wasn't a good idea. "That doesn't mean I have a better answer for you."

Ashley stared at her, unimpressed.

The server walked by the table, grabbing the empty glasses and leaving two more full ones in their places.

"I think that I could have loved him," Shepard admitted quietly. "If we'd had more time."

Ashley stared at her. Then, abruptly, she stood up and headed straight for the bar.

Shepard watched her, surprised and more than a little confused.

A minute or two later, Ashley dropped back down in the seat that she'd vacated. Then she put a bottle of what looked like a very decent bottle of whiskey down on the table, hard enough that it made an impressively loud clunking noise. Two empty glasses quickly followed it.

Shepard raised an eyebrow.

Ashley grabbed her neon blue drink and downed it in a quick gulp. Then she shot Shepard a pointed look.

Without saying a word, Shepard picked up her own drink–purple, this time–and downed it. As she put it back down on the table, she met Ashley's gaze.

"I told him you were a Spectre and that you were commandeering this bottle," Ashley said matter-of-factly. "There might have also been some insinuating that it would be bad for his health if he argued."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You told him that I'd shoot him if he didn't hand it over?" she guessed.

Ashley shrugged. "Pretty much."

She tried to smile again. She really did. Judging by the look on Ashley's face, though, she still hadn't succeeded.

Shaking her head, Ashley reached out and grabbed the bottle. "Here," she said, pouring a generous serving of whiskey for each of them.

"Thanks," Shepard said, reaching out to pick up the drink. She downed it almost mechanically.

Ashley stared at her for just a second before grabbing her own drink and downing it. Then she picked up the bottle and poured them each another glass.

"It's not going to make things any better," Shepard said quietly.

"Not in the least," Ashley agreed. She picked up her drink and gulped it down, shooting Shepard an expectant look. "But it will help you forget for an hour or two."

Shepard grabbed her glass. "Good point," she agreed. Then she drank it down in a single gulp, without even a grimace.

Ashley eyed her for a second. Then she nodded, a sad look on her face, and poured them both another shot. Or possibly three, considering the amount of alcohol that was in each of their glasses.

"To the LT," Ashley said, holding up her glass with a sad smile.

Shepard held up her own drink, not even trying to smile. "To Kaidan."

"He's going to be missed," Ashley said quietly.

It took everything she had to keep from bursting into tears. "He will."


End file.
